Why does everything always seem so hard? And the little breaks and holidays we take from our normal routine leaves us behind; scrabbling for our foot and handholds, clawing our way back to where we were before we stopped.
Anxiety is the modern parallel to toil. Life is comfortable now, for some of us at least, but we worry about tomorrow and tomorrow, and do not clear our headspace for today.
Daddy, I want a clear head today. I want to be secure in who I am and who You are today. I know that anything else impairs my effectiveness, swamps my relationships with bilge-water, and pushes me a little further over the edge.
The difference between life and death is the difference between your presence and walking in darkness. I am lost if I am consumed within my own tiny concerns; but at the same time I am enlarged and cleared out when I think about others and their needs.
Today I am going to do some running. I am tired, and a little overwhelmed; I have a mountain and I won’t manage to climb it all today. But I know that in you there is sight and wealth and white robes. This is enough. You smile when I eagerly turn from my mess and rubbish, and look back to find you, to see where you are, to see what you are doing.
Perhaps it’s hard because I am in the wrong place; or running when I ought to be walking. Perhaps this was a season of flying but I lost it because I was looking at the ground and not the heavens.
Perhaps it’s hard because I am a soldier of Christ and it is a difficult life being a soldier. I keep on forgetting it, and I don’t warm to it, and I’d rather just be a little boy with his daddy. But the weapons are mighty, and the war is on my grown-up self and all its fatal desires. Although running is hard, it’s only possible because of my older brother and what he did. I will run gratefully today, and push on into the presence. Linger, ponder, wage war, and declare truth, in your presence, Daddy.