This may be a spur of the moment, but the pleasure of WordPress, and the desire to engage and explore, has brought me to the keyboard and the screen.
For a short period I was blogging regularly, and I revamped my blog a little while ago to regain a focus on living in revival. Oddly, the opposite perhaps has happened since I have been on here.
I have been going through one of those seasons in your life where you are just, yep, living. Just about. Not quite sure if you’re coming or going, trying to do a dozen things, doing none of them very well – everywhere you turn, someone is firing at you either broadsides, or taking a pot-shot.
There are days, aren’t there, where for some reason you manage to escape anyone firing at you, and you think: Hah, got away with that one! Then the next day, you realise that they were saving them all up, and they get fired at you all at once.
Please don’t think I’m getting at anyone here. If anything, I’m getting at myself. I remember, when I started out in teaching, that I put a topical slogan ‘I choose to lose today’ by my desk, and my then head of department said: That’s a bit negative! It was a reference to Galatians 2:20 and dying in Christ. It’s fine declaiming ‘I was lost without the Saviour’ but the truth is: I am still lost without the Saviour.
Let’s get this straight. Meeting Jesus so early in my life ruined me for anything other than knowing Him. Whatever my lofty ambitions were in my teens and my twenties, everything has shrunk now and, while grateful for what I have, the opportunities close down like that Larkin poem (see ‘To My Wife’ page above). I now look at the years I have lived so far, and I think: what have I done with them? Where is the fruit? And I am not in despair, because I trust in the awesome salvation that Jesus has worked, all with me in mind. But there is a large gap between where I wanted to be for Him, and where I have been shown to be in prophetic words, and where I am.
A key was mentioned in passing in our church a month or so back. Someone said; It’s the regular washing of the Word that you need. The days I wash in the Word are the days I get my priorities straight. They’re the days I remember to do the tasks that will matter left undone. The days where I’m about to get attacked, but I flourish the piece of completed work and say: All done. It’s not so important to be up early and working to get that piece of marking or planning finished. It’s much more important to see the face of the Saviour before I see the face of men (or women – to quote Robert Murray McCheyne).
So I’ve come back to the blog, and I do not think that blogging is a cure-all. It’s not even like a New Year’s Resolution – just the echo of a desire to change, quickly abandoned. But rather like journalling (which I have managed to do, thankfully, this week at least), it helps me to set my mind straight and to seek God’s kingdom before I seek my own. Then I won’t THINK about seeking my own kingdom!
What do we all have to look forward to as believers? The opportunity in the present moment to touch Him, to align, and to change the world. He will take care of the ungraspable future, the impossible future, that He has promised. But the little present is where we all need to start. Help me God!